In April, I made my way back to Amsterdam to attend a six week seminar surrounding the topic of human trafficking and the Christian response. The seminar was quite intense, hearing from just over 20 speakers from all aspects of this injustice: prevention, awareness, aftercare, law-enforcement…just to name a few.
I remember one of the first days being bombarded with the following question:
After you see what you see and hear what you hear are you going to be able to say at the end of the day that God is good?
For the remainder of my time at the seminar and during my time in Spain working in an aftercare home for women, the question was on the back of my mind. Now that I am home, this question remains.
My answer has always been and still is, of course, God is good no matter what. The problem with this answer is that it was not the answer of my heart until recently.
Being home has its own set of challenges. I have had so much change in the last nine months. Being home brings more change and a lot of unknowns.
I do not know what this next season of my life will look like.
I could think of all of the unknowns. Trying to come up in my mind with different plans and ideas and thoughts of what I could possibly do or where God possibly wants me to go and do. And this is what I have been doing a lot of.
The only thing this does is cause an unnecessary and ridiculous amount of anxiety.
I realized that I have a choice to make during this transitional time of my life. I can continue to focus on the unknowns driving myself into an overwhelming pit of anxiety, doubt, and fear OR I can choose to give God the unknowns and focus my thoughts on all of the things I do know.
Because when it comes down to it, God knows each of my unknowns. I do not need to think about them because He already has. I need to think about all of the things I do know.
In this process of making my little list of things I know that I am going to focus on from now on, I realized one of the things I know that I know that I know is:
God is GOOD.
This isn’t just an empty phrase. This is truth that has been rooted deeply into my heart especially during the last nine months of my life.
As I followed God into dark places, His goodness remained.
As I saw heartache and despair, God’s goodness was found.
As I listened to stories that should have never been a reality for God’s precious children, I learned of the goodness God alone is using to rewrite these stories.
I always like to remind myself of the following, if God has done something before it is a good indicator that He is going to do it again. It will look differently but it will be His best.
Reflecting back on all of the goodness of God that I have seen and experienced reminds this weary heart of mine that His goodness will continue.
So as I sit here with the threat of unknowns ready to devour my peace, I hold onto the goodness of God. I hold onto my little list of the good things about God that I am going to focus on.
As I continue on this path God has me on to see the brokenhearted and journey with them to Him, this question will continue to challenge me. Knowing God’s goodness will not always come naturally, but I am thankful for those moments I have had witnessing His goodness and as I focus on those I wait with eager anticipation for all of the future goodness of the Lord.
Thank you Jesus for eyes that see Your goodness no matter what.
I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Psalm 27:13