Spiraling downward…that is how I have felt.
Downward into what? It would have been easy to be convinced I was going to a place of despair. A place of darkness. A place so filled with doubt and fear there is no space for light, love, peace.
For many moments throughout my time here in Amsterdam I almost lost hope and accepted this pit of despair.
Thankfully, when fear invaded my heart and tried to paralyze me, God was there through prayers of sweet friends.
When I wanted to give up and go home, sermons from back home encouraged me to persevere.
When doubt filled my mind, I emptied my mind into God’s hands and received His truth to meditate on.
It was in each of these moments I realized the truth of the depths I was diving deeper into: God’s love.
The enemy wanted to discourage me. He wanted me to believe the lie that I was drifting away from God’s love.
In these moments God gave me His eyes to see. Clearly.
I am drifting into the depths of God’s love for me every time I find the courage inside to stand against the enemy’s schemes of destruction and hold fast to God’s Right Hand.
God is with me in the quiet green pastures and He is with me in the valley of the shadow of death.
This past six weeks has been hard, but it has also been a time where I have felt moments of God’s joy like never before. Moments where I have been more sure of God’s never ending love for me than ever before. Moments where I have just held His Word in my hands and heart knowing I am secure.
And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,…Ephesians 3:17b-18
Thank you Jesus for taking me deeper into the depths of your love.