I started writing this post several months ago. In fact, what I am about to share has been on my heart now for over a year.
I am currently in a season of life that I do not like all that much. It seems crazy to even admit that because truth be told I have nothing to not like.
I have an amazing apartment with a walk in closet and a pool (dream come true for me) and a roommate that I share such a special friendship with, and added bonus she makes amazing waffles…what more could I ask for?
I am working at a job that I love and have honestly prayed (even though I had no idea my prayers would lead me to this specific ministry) for years now. Even more incredible, while I was away I was praying about volunteering in this ministry when I came back home, and God provided a job in this same ministry I was seeking to volunteer at.
God has brought an incredible man into my life. This is HUGE for me! Really…if you know me you know that I do not date. I have been waiting and praying and waiting some more for the past five years for God to bring the man He has for me into my life. While others thought I was crazy for not putting myself out there enough with men, I held true (most of the time) to my desire to wait for who God has for me. This was so hard! Sometimes I was tempted to give in and take matters into my own hands. I still remember trying a free trial of some online date thing and when it showed me my “matches” it said none found! How terrible I thought, but really I knew it was God telling me He already found my man for me and I wasn’t about to find him online…clearly! I am thankful for His protection from all of the wrong men throughout the last five years and am even more thankful for the right man He has found for me.
I have an amazing sister who encourages me and inspires me on a daily, actually moment by moment basis. I have incredible friends God has brought into my life and I am the happiest aunt in the world, especially when I get to influence my nieces and nephews for Christ.
Reading all of this I seriously wonder why the struggle. As I think about the “why” behind the struggle I realize woven in between all of these blessings from above is a fear and a doubt and a defeat I have never known before.
Since coming home from my time abroad I feel I have lost a part of me: the part of me that fought against this defeat ever becoming a reality for me. So now that I am feeling so defeated I equate this with no other thought than I have lost the fight.
The reality is that this thought is the furthest thing from the truth! In fact, I do not even have the capability of losing a battle that was never mine in the first place.
…for the battle is not yours, but God’s. 2 Chronicles 20:15
And, the One whom the battle belongs to is the One fighting for me.
The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace. Exodus 14:14
And, the One whom fights is already victorious!
…but victory belongs to the LORD. Proverbs 21:31
And because He is VICTORIOUS, I am victorious.
but thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. 1 Corinthians 15:57
When I choose to fight this defeated feeling, I am fighting a battle that was never mine to fight. The enemy would love to keep me in this place of losing heart with every attempt to fight against something that was already won by God on the cross.
The longer the enemy keeps me in this place, the longer I am stuck believing I have lost not only the fight but a part of me also.
My fighting doesn’t look like gaining victory, it looks like losing control. I cannot gain something God has already won for me. I can lose control of my “battles” give them to the Lord and pick up the victory He fought to death for me to have.
Maybe like me, you have been fighting against something for far too long. It is my prayer that you start to see with a heavenly perspective the truth about what you have been fighting, and that you have the strength to give the battle over to the Lord and rest in His victory!